To the Dark and Back Again
by andallthat
Summary: He survived his time spent in the Black Organization. That was more than Akai Shuichi could say for anyone else. Written for Poirot Café's Themed Competition #16 - Survival.


Working in the Black Organization was, in one word, trying.

Getting in had been easy enough. He wasn't worried about that. Given his skills as a sniper it was more surprising that it had taken them so long to induct him in the first place. But he supposed a ridiculously illegal criminal organization couldn't get by very far or grow so large without being incredibly choosy. If they weren't, undercover agents would be sneaking in all the time.

But regardless, the waiting process had been agonizing. He was half expecting to get shot every time he was sent out on a mission to prove his worth. In fact, there had even been a brief moment during one of his encounters that he was being shot at. They wanted to see if he could dodge, apparently. Or at least Chianti did. Fortunately for him, he could. And he shot back. One single bullet, right below the collarbone after shooting for a split second from around a support beam in the warehouse.

Gin was very reluctantly impressed. Vermouth less reluctantly. And apparently, Anokata even less reluctantly than her. He was inducted after that.

Akai Shuichi, or his present alias, Moroboshi Dai, was now officially a member of the Black Organization.

A year of grueling jobs, plans, and murders, and they granted him with the codename Rye.

To say it was difficult would be an understatement. He didn't enjoy killing innocent civilians any more than the next undercover FBI agent, but that wasn't the main reason.

The main difficulty was being submerged in the darkness for so long without any clear way out. It was warping him from the inside out. He was becoming more cruel. Harsh. Unfeeling.

Now, Shuichi had never been the most kind and heartfelt of people to begin with, but he knew how to feel, even if he didn't regularly show it.

He was noticing that feeling slowly becoming dulled as time passed.

Jodie helped, on occasion. She was a solid force that he could fall back on when he felt like he was losing himself. But as time passed he noticed conversing with her wasn't having the same effect anymore. It wasn't pulling him back to reality. He was still sinking into the darkness in his own mind. And the opportunities he had to meet with her were becoming more and more sparse the longer he went. His reports back to James had all but stopped, the last one he'd gotten through being ' _I'll contact you when I can_ '.

That was three months ago.

Now he was just into his second year undercover and he had been ordered to look into another codenamed member Gin suspected to be an undercover agent. His heart had stopped in that moment, almost believing himself to be caught out, but he'd have been killed by then if that had been the case. Gin still didn't like him, only reluctantly giving him work because 'Anokata insisted'. And it was a good thing that he did.

Nothing in him wanted to give Gin the satisfaction of being the one to kill him. And Shuichi was all too aware of how desperately he wanted to do that.

This situation was a tough one to be in, though. It raised the question of whether the Organization really did get undercover agents just that often. Shuichi wasn't aware of anyone else from the FBI undercover aside from himself, but that didn't mean there weren't any. And the last thing he needed to do was out one of his allies.

If Scotch was actually an FBI agent, he'd be able to find that out easily, and react accordingly. It was if he was an undercover agent from anywhere else that would be a problem. He'd never be able to get that information from Scotch himself. And for the FBI to put in a formal request for the information from local or higher law enforcement would make their involvement known to the Japanese, which was a whole different matter entirely.

In other words, he was on his own.

To say Akai Shuichi was in a dangerous place would be an understatement.

He went through with the assignment anyway, because anything else would get him killed.

Scotch did the missions he was told. He performed them with the same adeptness that he'd expect from any real Organization member. He killed who he was supposed to and well, if he didn't send a murderous glare to a kid that had bumped into him as he was walking down the street Shuichi couldn't exactly automatically consider that an admission of guilt, could he?

All that did was prove he wasn't Gin. It didn't prove anything else.

Confirmation back from James was exactly what he'd expected. He wasn't FBI, and they weren't able to obtain the information if he was any other sort of law enforcement either.

It was a tight rope to walk. This was a perfect opportunity to cut down the Organization's numbers if he played it right. But that would also be risky. Planting evidence against could be accomplished, albeit incredibly carefully, and that would mean one less liquor to worry about.

However, if he did that and he actually was on their side, everything would blow right back up into his face.

He'd decide when the time came. Being able to adept to the situation and improvise as well as he did was another reason why James had chosen him to be the one to infiltrate, after all.

But if it came down to the wire Shuichi knew that he couldn't take the risk.

The only other thing he'd learned aside from Scotch's propensity to make the occasional phonecall to someone not in the Organization after his missions – not frequently enough to be a red alert, but the behaviour was suspicious enough he was beginning to understand why he was investigating him in the first place (and that also meant it was definitely a good thing he'd severely cut back on any contact with the FBI) – was his relationship with Bourbon.

They didn't flaunt it, of course, but anyone with a pair of eyes as well trained as his could see that the two were romantically involved. Shuichi never got in close enough proximity to hear what it was they'd say to each other, but the quick touches were enough.

It was this fact, primarily, that lead him to the conclusion that Scotch was not, in fact, an undercover agent. The idea that he'd sustain a romantic relationship with a Black Organization member while pretending to be someone he wasn't was ludicrous.

But that still wasn't proof that he could hand over to Gin. And Shuichi hardly had it in himself to out their relationship to the entire Organization without knowing what the consequences would turn out to be. Given Gin's intolerance towards most things, that alone might be enough reason for him to send a bullet through not one, but both of their skulls. If nothing else, it would put a target on the both of them.

He might have fallen to the worst part of himself, but he still hadn't completely forgotten how to feel. They hadn't made him into a sociopath yet.

In the end, it was an accident. And Shuichi was such a fool.

They tapped him, he knew they had. They'd been doing it more frequently now that he'd failed to come up with anything against Scotch. Gin was convinced that Shuichi was hiding something he knew.

Shuichi kept the bug on him solely because it would help erase suspicion. He wasn't hiding anything – not about this anyway – and if this was the only way to convince Gin of that, so be it. It had been weeks and Scotch had given him nothing. The occasional phonecall continued, but with much less frequency than before. It had become insignificant enough for him to decide it would be safe not even to mention that it was still happening.

Except, of course, the discrepancy was noted.

"He hasn't made any more phonecalls?"

Across from him in the dark room, all Shuichi could see aside from his silhouette was the dwindling light from the cigarette placed between Gin's lips.

Oh, how everything in him wanted to walk over there, punch that motherfucker in the face, and then shoot him in between his eyes.

Shuichi stayed calm, still, and betrayed nothing. Not even the slightest twitch.

He was one of them, after all.

"One that I've seen in the past month."

By his voice, Gin clearly wasn't pleased.

"And you didn't think fit to note it?"

"I didn't recognize it as anything significant. For all I'm aware they're not even being made to the same person-"

A gun went off.

He didn't even flinch. Gin was none too pleased about that, but he stuck the barretta 92 back into his jacket pocket and stepped forward, extinguishing the cigarette as he went.

The whole facade was supposed to be threatening. Shuichi was clearly going insane, because all he wanted to do right now was laugh.

Bad idea. Very bad idea. Definitely shouldn't laugh.

"You report every single detail, no matter how small or _insignifcant_ you think it might be, understood? I want this rat done with the moment he lets his guard down."

Shuichi just stared back. Seeing that he wasn't going to get an answer, Gin moved back towards his seat.

"I want audio the next time he makes a phonecall. And you're going to get it for me."

And that seemed to be the end of the conversation. Shuichi turned on his heel and walked out of the room.

In the end, he'd regret. And that regret was going to stick with him for the rest of his life.

Apparently Gin's way of getting Shuichi to obtain audio of his phonecall was to send the two of them out on jobs together constantly.

Shuichi could tell that Scotch was annoyed about the situation just about as much as he was.

There was probably a way he could make this easy. Placing the bug Gin continued to put on him inside Scotch's phone, for example. But while he was fairly certain that Scotch was a true member of the Organization, he still wasn't one hundred percent sure. Until he was, that was not going to happen.

Fortunately, despite that course of action clearly being the one Gin wanted him to take, Scotch stuck to his phone like glue. It was a valid excuse that Gin accepted because he has no other choice, and has no doubt seen the attachment himself.

Shuichi would have to be trying really, really, really hard to get that cell phone away from him for a long enough period of time to successfully bug it. Could he do it? Sure. Could he do it successfully? Sure. But he wasn't going to.

As far as they were concerned, Rye wasn't quite that skilled. He wasn't going to inform them of otherwise.

So, the missions continued. This one in particular had Shuichi on edge.

It was the family of a banker who had first failed and then refused to pay back the money the Organization had loaned him. He was currently being tortured, and it was their job to dispose of the family members.

Jobs like these always made Shuichi's stomach roll. But he wasn't the one doing the shooting, not this time. Scotch was the one set up a few blocks away from the apartment complex with the rifle in hand. His job was to kill them, Shuichi's was to hack into the security system and set up the explosives to be detonated shortly afterwards. Bourbon was scheduled to show up after the task was complete to assure there was no evidence left. At eiher points of contact. It was almost funny how little Gin trusted either of them.

There were four people total. The wife, her two teenage sons, and a little girl no more than six years old.

He saw the girl in the pictures they had given him and thought of Masumi. It made a small lump appear in his throat. It wasn't fair for a child that young to be subjected to this.

He shut off that line of thought immediately and did his job. Within minutes the system was disabled and the family was left defenseless. They would be home in around an hour, so using that time Shuichi snuck in, made sure the curtains were open and ready for Scotch when the family entered, set up the bombs, and then left. Simple.

Or not so simple.

Because after an hour of waiting at his predetermined location, a closer point near the ground with a great view but a not so great vantage point for sniping, the family came home.

Three of them.

And that was very, very not good, because the little girl was supposed to be with them.

Shuichi didn't know what they were supposed to do now. The orders said to kill them all at the same time to minimize exposure. Did Scotch go through with it anyway? Did they pull back and report the changes? Should they call Gin this very second and get new orders?

Apparently Scotch made the decision himself. Because not a second later was a bullet hole through fractured glass and the mother dropping without preamble and staining the alabaster carpet.

One scream and the older brother was on the ground. Another cry and the third one followed.

He didn't know what Scotch was thinking, but he certainly was expecting an explanation after he got back to him.

Turning around, Shuichi pressed the button to detonate the explosives in the room and walked away, rushing back to Scotch.

He was playing a part, but he was actually legitimately angry and confused. What the hell just happened? Did he realise what he'd done? Shuichi was not taking a bullet to the brain from Gin just because Scotch went and made a decision on his own. He'd be damned if he got killed because of this.

Three steps onto the rooftop from the fire escape and -

"-need protection on that girl, _now._ I don't care how many agents you need to gather to pull it off, and I know _damn well_ the Secret Police are capable -"

Scotch was on his phone. He was speaking in hushed tones but the words were clearly audible from Shuichi's spot not five paces away.

He turned back his way, and Scotch immediately turned pale, his mouth hanging open.

"Rye-"

Shuichi was frozen. He wanted to say anything he could. Reassure him. Let Scotch know that he wasn't caught out and he wouldn't tell a soul, and it was fine, because he _wasn't_ going to die, but-

The words caught in his throat. It was dead silent.

And then Shuichi's phone rang.

His heart stopped.

 _Shit._

The wire tap.

Swallowing, Shuichi pulled the object out of his pocket and flipped it open, accepting the call. He already knew who it would be, after all.

Gin's voice came out all too clearly from the other line. Two words before the line went dead.

"Kill him."

He could hear his heart beat pulsing through his head but strangely enough, Shuichi didn't even hesitate. There wasn't a single doubt in his mind about what he had to do. It was either Scotch or him, and Akai Shuichi was not accustomed to being on the losing side.

Scotch was going to die either way. Shuichi would only die if he didn't kill him. He only wished it hadn't ended up like this.

The seconds seemed to pass by like minutes. Shuichi returned his phone to his pocket, and pulled out his glock from his shoulder holster. Both hands on it and he aimed.

Scotch was still frozen in that same position and he'd barely moved. Shuichi couldn't quite place what about the look in his eyes was setting off a red flag in his mind, but he couldn't waste time thinking about it. So he pulled the trigger.

Scotch's body dropped right in front of him. His eyes stared up at the sky, lifeless.

Not a moment later and he realised what it was that had been bothering him so much.

Scotch had been looking right behind him.

Shuichi whirled around to find Bourbon standing on the fire escape behind him, still in his shock. It took a moment for his eyes to leave Scotch's body but when they did, his glare was murderous.

And it was directed right at Shuichi.

He did the only thing he could. Because he was a member of the Organization, and this was just part of the job. Shuichi slipped the gun back into its holster, stuck his hands into his pockets, and walked past Bourbon to the stairs.

"He was a traitor."

Maybe they were turning him into a sociopath after all.

He left Bourbon with the body.

In the end, he brought out the darkest parts of himself, and he had no idea how to reign them in again.

Until he found his light.

Initially, he'd met Miyano Akemi to get close to Sherry. She was a high-ranking member of the organization and she was working on something Gin called 'of the utmost importance'. If he could get to her not only would that provide valuable resources for the FBI, but it would further help his position.

Things had gotten fairly rocky after the incident with Scotch. In the end the little girl had been rescued from her friend's house by the Secret Police before the Organization had a chance to get to her. Gin had decidedly been none too please with this, and started watching him closely. He wasn't actively bugging him anymore though, much to Shuichi's relief. Knowing that his every word could be heard by that man was never a pleasant feeling.

So in the interested of gaining a standing again, Shuichi began dating Akemi. He felt a lot less horrible doing it than he really should. He had broken things off with Jodie so there was no guilt in the action. But what he hadn't expected was to find that there was no guilt in the action at all. He was dating her for the sole purpose of getting to her sister, and he didn't feel any remorse about it.

Except she was genuinely kind.

He'd say something awfully wrong or potentially hurtful and she just took it in stride. She laughed. She was open and honest about her feelings. She shared her dreams and aspirations with him and always listened to him whenever he talked. Shuichi had never been good with words, but even if something he said came out terribly, horribly wrong, she waited for him to talk it out and get his final point across.

Akemi was beautiful and loving and caring, and she shared that love not only with him but her sister. She dreamed of a future outside of the Organization's influence, where she could be completely free to do whatever she wanted with her sister and not have to fear for his life.

When they kissed he felt a surge of emotion well up in his chest, and he never wanted to let her go.

For the first time in nearly three years, he felt like himself again. The darkness looming from the Organization was losing its hold over his heart.

But things were also getting more complicated.

Gin was starting to suspect him regardless.

Despite the little information he could get from Akemi about Sherry's projects, it wasn't substantial enough to report back to James. She didn't know as much as he hoped she had, and the two sisters met infrequently enough that his chances of meeting Sherry along with her were slim to none.

Things were getting dangerous. And he couldn't leave Akemi stuck in the middle of it.

"You need to stop seeing me."

He had arranged to meet her on a bench in Beika Park, but he didn't even give her time to sit down before speaking. Shuichi needed to get this out. Before any emotions threatened to stop him from saying it.

To her credit, she didn't flinch. She never did. She just sat down right next to him and put a hand on his leg.

"Dai-kun..." she started.

The name almost made him flinch instead. After all this time, everything she'd done for him and she didn't even know his real name. It was his fault, of course. But he hadn't expected to end up genuinely caring about her. And he cared about her so much.

Which was why he had to do this.

"I'm serious. Things are going to get very dangerous very quickly. The last thing I need is for you to get caught in the crossfire. This is the last time I'm going to speak to you."

With that, he stood up. If removing her hand from his leg was the hardest thing he'd had to do since joining the Organization, well, he'd never admit to it.

This was the woman who had saved him. Shuichi didn't know what would have happened if he hadn't met her. She brought him back to himself when he was stuck in a cycle of self-loathing and doing what he had to.

For all he knew, he could have ended up exactly like Gin. Or exactly like Scotch. But she prevented that from happening to him.

It was his time to save her.

"This about you being an undercover agent, isn't it?"

Shuichi whirled around so quickly he almost thought he heard his neck crack.

To her credit, she just smiled.

"It's okay. I know. I've guessed it for a while, actually."

He was in shock. "How?"

Akemi shrugged, wrapping her arms around herself. "You're not like the rest of them."

Like that was any answer at all.

She stood up from the bench and brushed down her skirt, walking over to him and wrapped an arm around his own.

"It's fine. You do what you have to do, I understand. But I meant it, what I said before."

She paused, stepped back, and wrung her hands together. "I want to get out of the Organization. Both me and my sister. But I don't know when I'll be able to, if I will at all. Will you wait for me, until the time comes?"

Akemi held up her phone, waving it in front of him, and then slipped it back into her pocket. Shuichi nodded. With one final movement, Akemi took two steps forward and pulled him into a kiss. Shuichi didn't hesitate for a moment before he kissed her back.

He closed his eyes, relishing in the warmth and the comfort it brought until it faded away and all he was left with was a cold emptiness and the darkening of the sky.

When he opened his eyes she was gone.

A few days later he had a meeting arranged with Gin. They were both to meet in a warehouse located by the pier to discuss Shuichi's advancement and relocation to overviewing the science division's projects. Instructions had been placed in a briefcase that Gin was going to give to him, and he had to keep the inside contents safe or lose his life.

Finally, all the work he'd gone through had paid off.

Unfortunately, he'd never get to see the fruits of his labour. While it was a perfect opportunity to get insight into the projects that they were working on, it was also the perfect opporunity to capture a high ranking member. That was what the FBI had been waiting for.

Seeing Gin captured would be such a treat.

He contacted James and everything was set up. During the meeting the FBI's agents would surround the building and secure Gin. What happened after that was none of Shuichi's concern. Unless they asked him to help with interrogation, which Shuichi would gladly participate.

And after this, he no longer had to worry about being under the Organization's clutches.

It was an incredibly freeing feeling.

Shuichi made it to the warehouse right on time. James sent him a text confirmation that everyone was in place before he pushed himself off of the door to the warehouse, snubbed out his cigarette, and went inside.

At first, it was dark. The only noticeable light source was the rays of sun streaming in through the windows, casting various shadows along the floor. That wasn't what set off an alarm bell in Shuichi's head, though.

He walked to the center of the floor and stopped, checking his watch.

It was the arranged time, but Gin wasn't there.

Instead, there was a black briefcase lying on the ground in front of him.

Shuichi knelt and carefully unclasped the lock, lifting the lid. It was empty.

And in a split second, Shuichi sprinted out of the warehouse. He didn't stop before turning on the tap they'd given him.

"It's a trap! They figured it out – everyone get out of here _now!_ "

Three things happened at once.

The building behind him exploded. The force from the blast sent him slightly off kilter and he stumbled, only just catching himself on the wall from a nearby building.

The sound of cars could be heard speeding away and the previously dead area was a bustle of movement and chaos. One black car sped around the corner of a nearby building and headed straight towards him.

There was a flicker of light to his left and Shuichi only had a split second to jerk his head back before a bullet was whirring right in front of his eyes and then embedding itself into the ground not a few feet away.

He didn't have time to calculate where exactly the shot had come from, the black car pulled up and stopped directly in front of him. Shuichi ran forward and the door opened from the inside, revealing Jodie holding her hand out for him to grab.

"Shuu!"

Shuichi's hand clasped hers and she pulled him forward and into the car. They hadn't even had time to shut the door before James was speeding off again and past the burning building.

After bracing himself for the turn, Shuichi turned and slammed the door shut. But right before it closed he could see a redhead and a man with long, silver hair poised at the top of a nearby building through the crack.

He couldn't help but smirk.

The FBI relocated him to America after that, since Japan clearly wasn't safe.

Two years later and he received a text in the middle of the night. Shuichi looked at his phone and allowed himself to hope.

Two days later and the darkness is back, threatening to drown him with a bottle of scotch.

He allows himself the one day of weakness after her death.

After that he cuts off all of his hair, cleans himself up, and then walks into the FBI's office the next morning with a firm resolve and the demand to be relocated back to Japan. Some discussion later and they tell him that the transfer is going to take a bit, but they'll get him back there.

He refuses to allow that darkness back into his heart. He is going to keep the promise he made to Akemi even if it costs him his life. She died in the hopes that she would live through the encounter and that all of her dreams would come true.

She's the only reason he survived the Organization's clutches.

And he's going to keep surviving for her, no matter the cost.

 _Dai-kun,_

 _If I'm able to escape from the Organization like this, will you go out with me as my real boyfriend?_

 _Akemi_

 _P.S._

 _If I'm not, will you protect Shiho for me?_

 _I love you._


End file.
